London, UK – Britain’s Bible publisher has chosen to finally rewrite the Bible’s many offensive passages.

Of course, the entire population applauds this long-awaited decision, which will greatly contribute to its well-being.

Today, when we speak of Jesus, we must use the pronoun “they/them”.

The word “Father” will be replaced everywhere by “Parent”.

Luke 11:39 used to say “You Pharisees are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy—full of greed and wickedness!”

But now becomes: “You Pharisees are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are less diligent!”

Luke 11:40 “You are foolish to ignore the greed and wickedness within you! Shouldn’t the one who cleans the outside also clean the inside?”

Now reads: “Could you please kindly clean both the outside and the inside?”

Mark 15:40 was “There were also women looking on afar off: among whom was Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James the less and of Joses, and Salome”

But is now much better: “There were also cis women looking on afar off: among whom was Mary Magdalene, and Mary the parent of James the less and of Joses, and Salome”

It was about time!