The Big Crypto Cat

Real Fake News


War Attracted Alien (WAA) is offended by US aircraft strike

Aliens are currently trying to invade planet Earth. But it’s not their fault, it’s in their nature, they’re simply attracted by violence and war. We can’t blame them for that, how offending would that be!

Furthermore, zizpo, the kind alien that is currently driving the Montant UFO, sent a message to our reporter. In that message, he explains that “You humans are really racist. First time you meet an alien and you try to kill me immediately! I came here on Earth because I identify as human and I was mocked on my planet. I was hoping to find some comfort and inclusion here. I have this natural attraction for war, death and destruction. You can’t blame me for something that’s in me!”

When asked if he thinks that we the humans should allow him and his kind to destroy us for that reason, his answer was very clear.

“What makes you think I am male? This is offending! Please refer to me as they/them!”

When asked if they/them think that we the humans should allow they/them and their kind to destroy us for that reason, their answer was very clear.

“You racist! Resisting would be really offending to our kind, it would show that don’t respect our very nature! Any climate change will ultimately destroy you all so you might as well let us do the now.”

At publishing time, Joe Biden was considering zizpo for his new nuclear waste manager.


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