The Big Crypto Cat

Real Fake News


Nord Stream bomber and deep-sea diver releases a book: “No easy night”

John Owen, undercover CIA agent – navy seal – deep-sea diver whose identity must remain secret at all costs, just released a book to tell the world about his incredible accomplishment: blowing up the Nord Stream pipelines.

He explains in this much awaited book that this undercover operation was just so cool. “We had to dive super deep and put those nice big explosives down there. We were supposed to blow them immediately but then the old man decided we should blow them later. That was terrible to hear as we were all so eager to see the big boom!”

In a recent blog post written by a conspiracy theorist (who inexplicably won the Pulitzer price), the so called “journalist” says “The American explosive devices needed to be camouflaged in a way that would make them appear to the Russian system as part of the natural background”. In his book, the agent explains proudly how he came up with the idea to disguise the explosives in octopus “so in case someone see them, they wouldn’t worry to see them stuck there on the pipeline as that’s what an octopus does: it remains stuck all day”.

The conspiracy theorist explains that “The C4 attached to the pipelines would be triggered by a sonar buoy dropped by a plane on short notice. […] The sonar buoy, once in place, would emit a sequence of unique low frequency tonal sounds—much like those emitted by a flute or a piano—that would be recognized by the timing device and, after a pre-set hours of delay, trigger the explosives. “

Despite any obvious logic, this is CONFIRMED by the secrete operative John Owen, who explains that he personally played the piano sequence. He chose that of the the movie “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” because “it’s pretty darn cool”.

We cannot go into deeper detail on this topic as this is all highly classified.


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *